My son thinks he had a bad childhood but I always put him first and only went out and about when he was at his fathers. He was taken to many various places he would never of visited and went out with friends on camps and to the beach.\
So after my mother died I decided to take my son to Sydney on the train via Broken Hill ( where I also had taken him).
We stayed with a friend of mine and I thought he had a good time but some how I don't think he did but I was just trying to get him to see something of Australia. I found out latter he was suffering from social phobia and had I known I would not of taken him. So from then on was careful with where I took him.He was around 16 years when we went to Sydney.
So when we came back I had to get stuck into my business and tried like hell to keep it going and getting many new clients.
Wednesday, 26 August 2015
MY MOTHERS CANCER
In 1990 as I was running a new business alone and dealing with the emissaries, I got word from my mother in Perth she had colon cancer. Here she was a Seventh Day Adventist who had eaten healthy food all her life and never smoked or drank. I was so upset and got 2 people to run the business to go over and be with her for a few weeks. I spent time with her at a Camp Ground in Perth so she could be near the hospital to get her treatment. My step father was very strict and wouldn't let her eat anything she wanted. I asked her one day what she wanted to eat and she said a piece of steak. I was so surprised but when the step father was out I bought and cooked her a nice piece and she really enjoyed it. It was the first time in over 50 years she had had any meat. That is what her body needed at that time.
I spent a few weeks and came back to my business and tried to concentrate on my work and clients and at the same time worrying about my mother. I had a young man who was about 17 years my junior who joined my program and lost weight really well. he kept flirting with me and I was trying to keep it all professional. Eventually he asked me out and I said yes and he took me out to a nice dinner. So I had a fling with him for a short time along with another man from the Country Music Scene. So here I go again filling my void and pain with men.
I was the counselor, cleaner, book keeper and ran the business and built up a good clientele and the clients all did well in loosing weight as I was very good at my job. But I was burning the candle at both ends.
It was the beginning of the 4 years down turn in the economy which I did really know but I wasn't making much money, but I kept on battling on. Around 1991 I knew it was time for me to visit my mother again as the news I was getting was not good. My brother gave me the money to go over as he was in Perth and knew my mother needed me. My half sister in Melbourne who could afford it never ever went to see her own mother. I was so annoyed about this and I know my mother was upset she never visited her. I had to again employ 2 people to do my job while I was again away for around 3 weeks. As I got on the plane I knew I would never see my mother again.
In April 1991 I got a phone call from the hospital telling me my mother was in her last hours. I just lay awake for hours and then I finally got the final call. I just sobbed the whole night through. I had no one to comfort me or be there for me. I just sobbed and struggled to get myself to work the next day.
I knew I could not go to the funeral as the memory of the sexual abuse from Seventh Day Adventist elders and also I couldn't stay in the house alone with the stepfather who had abused me as a child.
So I got a photographer to take photos for me and someone to tape the service. That was all I could do. I had a little ceremony on my own in my lounge room.
I will never forget my mother and loved her very much.. RIP Mary Esther Hutchison. She was only 68 years old..
I spent a few weeks and came back to my business and tried to concentrate on my work and clients and at the same time worrying about my mother. I had a young man who was about 17 years my junior who joined my program and lost weight really well. he kept flirting with me and I was trying to keep it all professional. Eventually he asked me out and I said yes and he took me out to a nice dinner. So I had a fling with him for a short time along with another man from the Country Music Scene. So here I go again filling my void and pain with men.
I was the counselor, cleaner, book keeper and ran the business and built up a good clientele and the clients all did well in loosing weight as I was very good at my job. But I was burning the candle at both ends.
It was the beginning of the 4 years down turn in the economy which I did really know but I wasn't making much money, but I kept on battling on. Around 1991 I knew it was time for me to visit my mother again as the news I was getting was not good. My brother gave me the money to go over as he was in Perth and knew my mother needed me. My half sister in Melbourne who could afford it never ever went to see her own mother. I was so annoyed about this and I know my mother was upset she never visited her. I had to again employ 2 people to do my job while I was again away for around 3 weeks. As I got on the plane I knew I would never see my mother again.
In April 1991 I got a phone call from the hospital telling me my mother was in her last hours. I just lay awake for hours and then I finally got the final call. I just sobbed the whole night through. I had no one to comfort me or be there for me. I just sobbed and struggled to get myself to work the next day.
I knew I could not go to the funeral as the memory of the sexual abuse from Seventh Day Adventist elders and also I couldn't stay in the house alone with the stepfather who had abused me as a child.
So I got a photographer to take photos for me and someone to tape the service. That was all I could do. I had a little ceremony on my own in my lounge room.
I will never forget my mother and loved her very much.. RIP Mary Esther Hutchison. She was only 68 years old..
1990 BACK IN GAWLER AGAIN.
Once I arrived back in Adelaide to Paralowie where I had a nice house, my son said he wanted to move to Gawler to be near his father and grandmother. So I went too the Housing Trust for a transfer and due to my sons abuse and living next door to the perpetrator I got a move straight away. But I went from a brand new house to an old run down house but I did it for my son. Within 6 months he went to live with his father for good.
I didn't know what to do as no longer having a child dependent on me I had to look for work. It was hard at 44 years old to find a job so I ended up getting a loan and bought into a franchise to run a weight loss business called The Natural Way. I also around the same time got involved in a spiritual group called the Emissaries which I now call a cult. I used to go over to their compound and work for nothing and paid for many very expensive courses they ran. It was like having a transference like Feud explains to the elders of this group. I fell in love with a guy there and he manipulated me no end. I was told another man was right for me and I went out with this guy who ended up being psychotic and I latter found out he had a mental illness and they knew. This man beat me up and also made a hole in the house wall and the Emissaries came to his aid but not to me. Nothing I was left alone. After this incident and after many more over the 3 years I was there I noticed they never visited me when I was ill, I always went to them. This is when Fibromyalgia really gave me much pain. They never came near me. I said something to someone who I knew would get my message back and that was I was going to the media. I has 2 of the head men come into my business and in a round about way told me if I did look out. I was threatened. So I just decided to let it all go and have nothing more to do with them. However a few years latter the whole group went down as people left and only 2 or 3 stayed in the compound. However I have noticed they are recruiting again.
I didn't know what to do as no longer having a child dependent on me I had to look for work. It was hard at 44 years old to find a job so I ended up getting a loan and bought into a franchise to run a weight loss business called The Natural Way. I also around the same time got involved in a spiritual group called the Emissaries which I now call a cult. I used to go over to their compound and work for nothing and paid for many very expensive courses they ran. It was like having a transference like Feud explains to the elders of this group. I fell in love with a guy there and he manipulated me no end. I was told another man was right for me and I went out with this guy who ended up being psychotic and I latter found out he had a mental illness and they knew. This man beat me up and also made a hole in the house wall and the Emissaries came to his aid but not to me. Nothing I was left alone. After this incident and after many more over the 3 years I was there I noticed they never visited me when I was ill, I always went to them. This is when Fibromyalgia really gave me much pain. They never came near me. I said something to someone who I knew would get my message back and that was I was going to the media. I has 2 of the head men come into my business and in a round about way told me if I did look out. I was threatened. So I just decided to let it all go and have nothing more to do with them. However a few years latter the whole group went down as people left and only 2 or 3 stayed in the compound. However I have noticed they are recruiting again.
MY 36 HOURS IN HONG KONG 1990.
Once I arrived in Hong Kong I realized I had not booked a place to stay the night and I didn't have enough money for a hotel, so I just decided to walk the streets and do things that would pass the time.
I got my hair done and then made sure it lasted a long time by getting my head massaged too. Then Id go and have something to eat so I could sit down. Then walking some more up and down alleys and round about. I was so exhausted I could hardly walk when time to board the plane to Australia.
I had a massage and that was another couple of hours as these kinds of things were so so cheap in those days. I bought a few gifts for my son and friends and I guess I was running on adrenaline. After having my money nearly stolen on the way over I had my wits about me and kept my bag clutched to my chest. It was a bit scary wandering around like this for 36 hours. One man at a hotel saw me and came up to me and asked how I was . I told him my story and he very kindly allowed me to go and sit in the hotel lounge where I caught up on a much needed sleep before it was time to catch the plane. He woke me up to tell me the time. I was very grateful to him. I know I was very naive but that was me back in those days. No fear I just dissociated like abused children do or people who have PTSD which I had after the gun incident, I have told before this story.
After some more hours on the plane I finally arrived back home with a massive migraine. I wonder why???
I got my hair done and then made sure it lasted a long time by getting my head massaged too. Then Id go and have something to eat so I could sit down. Then walking some more up and down alleys and round about. I was so exhausted I could hardly walk when time to board the plane to Australia.
I had a massage and that was another couple of hours as these kinds of things were so so cheap in those days. I bought a few gifts for my son and friends and I guess I was running on adrenaline. After having my money nearly stolen on the way over I had my wits about me and kept my bag clutched to my chest. It was a bit scary wandering around like this for 36 hours. One man at a hotel saw me and came up to me and asked how I was . I told him my story and he very kindly allowed me to go and sit in the hotel lounge where I caught up on a much needed sleep before it was time to catch the plane. He woke me up to tell me the time. I was very grateful to him. I know I was very naive but that was me back in those days. No fear I just dissociated like abused children do or people who have PTSD which I had after the gun incident, I have told before this story.
After some more hours on the plane I finally arrived back home with a massive migraine. I wonder why???
SMALL CHILD ON THE SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN
As I was going around the mountain with born again christians in the driving place in front and myself and Buddy at the back. I couldn't say what I wanted to there and then but told Buddy latter. I just kept saying " Oh how amazing I feel I have been here before". As the place I saw the vegetation and the strange type rocks and colours where just as I saw in a past life regression where I was a small black child sitting on the side of the mountain. So I knew I had been to Africa before in a past life. I had no fear of Cape Town and walked places on my own which I ought not have done. I had no fear and had a sense of adventure.
My Birthday was the 4th of January and Buddy took me out to dinner and then onto the twilight races. Little did I know this would be the last time we would have together. I was constantly struggling with migraines and muscle pain and fatigue. Little did I know back then it was the beginning of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia. So I was not up to all the partying and going out and about with Buddy and I could see he was happy to be back in his home country and I then knew he would not want to go back to Australia even though he had a return ticket. I was very emotional and kept crying all the time. I had to choose between my son who was 14 years old and Buddy. Of course my child came first and I had to go back home to Australia. But little did I know that when I got back my son wanted to continue living with his father and when he left I was once again alone.
Buddy picked a fight with me and we ended up going our separate ways. I had no where to go as was still in his mothers house. So I remembered Carol who had given me her phone number and I called her and she came and got me. I got to stay with her and her husband Maurice and live in Hout Bay a very expensive place in Cape Town. They were very kind to me and I stayed the next 3 weeks with them. I didn't have much money and they paid for everything and took me out and about and showed me around Cape Town. I was heart broken as loved Buddy so much. One evening we did a sailing cruise at sunset around the bluff of Cape Town and it was just so beautiful. I was not used to having a maid make my bed and fuss over me, washing my clothes etc. I found this hard to get used to.
I phoned a Salvation Army Minister to take me to the shanty town as Carol and Maurice would not take me but I wanted to see the real side of South Africa. I was amazed and saddened to see these very very poor people living in what I call chicken houses made out of tin and wire. I could not get over how happy they were with big smiles on their faces. Yet a mile a way was the house of a rich South African. It opened my eyes and I just could not believe what I saw. It changed my life. Carol was horrified I had seen all that like they were embarrassed.
When I went to get my hair done they would put me in first and make the black people wait. I did not like that and I began to say no I will wait my turn. Having your hair done way back then was cheap like $2.00 for a wash and blow wave.
One day not long before it was time for me to take my flight back to Australia we were up on the top of Table Mountain which was beautiful and amazing and Carol and I sat for ages talking and taking in the view. Coming back down in the chair lift I was going aww etc and said to Carol wouldn't it be nice if I could get the plane from Johannesburg instead of Cape Town . Two men heard me talking and said are you from Australia and I said yes. I cant remember their names now but they were also from Australia and had family in Johannesburg. Well they invited me to go and stay with them at their mothers place in Johannesburg and I was to stay there for about 3 days before my flight left. How amazing here I was in the middle of Africa and had this offer made to me. So the next day I took a plane from Cape Town to Joberg. I was picked up by the mens brothers and taken to their beautiful home. They also showed me all around Jober and I saw things I would never of seen had I left from Cape Town to go back home. One evening they took me to a night club and it was the kind where the old fashioned dancing was on. The waltz and fox trot etc and me feet never touched the ground all night it felt. The men were such good dances I felt like a princess being waltzed around the floor. I would like to experience this again before I die.
The men's mother was such a sweet heart and gave me her bed and being muslim, she prayed so many times a day which was new to me. I didn't have much money left but I gave her some shoe insoles which were full of water as she had bad feet. Well she just loved them so much you thought I had given her a million dollars as she kept showing every one who came . Being white with red hair I was constantly having people want to touch me and meet me. I felt like a celebrity at times.
Soon it was time for me to leave and I was taken to the airport. I scanned the plane to see if Buddy had changed his mind and was on the plane but he wasn't. So I just sat back and enjoyed my flight to Hong Kong where I had a day and half to wait. I had no over night place to stay so just walked the streets and sat down for all that time before leaving for Australia.
My Birthday was the 4th of January and Buddy took me out to dinner and then onto the twilight races. Little did I know this would be the last time we would have together. I was constantly struggling with migraines and muscle pain and fatigue. Little did I know back then it was the beginning of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia. So I was not up to all the partying and going out and about with Buddy and I could see he was happy to be back in his home country and I then knew he would not want to go back to Australia even though he had a return ticket. I was very emotional and kept crying all the time. I had to choose between my son who was 14 years old and Buddy. Of course my child came first and I had to go back home to Australia. But little did I know that when I got back my son wanted to continue living with his father and when he left I was once again alone.
Buddy picked a fight with me and we ended up going our separate ways. I had no where to go as was still in his mothers house. So I remembered Carol who had given me her phone number and I called her and she came and got me. I got to stay with her and her husband Maurice and live in Hout Bay a very expensive place in Cape Town. They were very kind to me and I stayed the next 3 weeks with them. I didn't have much money and they paid for everything and took me out and about and showed me around Cape Town. I was heart broken as loved Buddy so much. One evening we did a sailing cruise at sunset around the bluff of Cape Town and it was just so beautiful. I was not used to having a maid make my bed and fuss over me, washing my clothes etc. I found this hard to get used to.
I phoned a Salvation Army Minister to take me to the shanty town as Carol and Maurice would not take me but I wanted to see the real side of South Africa. I was amazed and saddened to see these very very poor people living in what I call chicken houses made out of tin and wire. I could not get over how happy they were with big smiles on their faces. Yet a mile a way was the house of a rich South African. It opened my eyes and I just could not believe what I saw. It changed my life. Carol was horrified I had seen all that like they were embarrassed.
When I went to get my hair done they would put me in first and make the black people wait. I did not like that and I began to say no I will wait my turn. Having your hair done way back then was cheap like $2.00 for a wash and blow wave.
One day not long before it was time for me to take my flight back to Australia we were up on the top of Table Mountain which was beautiful and amazing and Carol and I sat for ages talking and taking in the view. Coming back down in the chair lift I was going aww etc and said to Carol wouldn't it be nice if I could get the plane from Johannesburg instead of Cape Town . Two men heard me talking and said are you from Australia and I said yes. I cant remember their names now but they were also from Australia and had family in Johannesburg. Well they invited me to go and stay with them at their mothers place in Johannesburg and I was to stay there for about 3 days before my flight left. How amazing here I was in the middle of Africa and had this offer made to me. So the next day I took a plane from Cape Town to Joberg. I was picked up by the mens brothers and taken to their beautiful home. They also showed me all around Jober and I saw things I would never of seen had I left from Cape Town to go back home. One evening they took me to a night club and it was the kind where the old fashioned dancing was on. The waltz and fox trot etc and me feet never touched the ground all night it felt. The men were such good dances I felt like a princess being waltzed around the floor. I would like to experience this again before I die.
The men's mother was such a sweet heart and gave me her bed and being muslim, she prayed so many times a day which was new to me. I didn't have much money left but I gave her some shoe insoles which were full of water as she had bad feet. Well she just loved them so much you thought I had given her a million dollars as she kept showing every one who came . Being white with red hair I was constantly having people want to touch me and meet me. I felt like a celebrity at times.
Soon it was time for me to leave and I was taken to the airport. I scanned the plane to see if Buddy had changed his mind and was on the plane but he wasn't. So I just sat back and enjoyed my flight to Hong Kong where I had a day and half to wait. I had no over night place to stay so just walked the streets and sat down for all that time before leaving for Australia.
Thursday, 16 October 2014
OFF TO SOUTH AFRICA.
My relationship with Buddy lasted for around 8 years and in 1989 he decided he wanted to go back to Cape Town to see his ill mother. I had not done much travelling up until this time. Just from New Zealand to Australia and various states in Australia. My parents came to Australia as my step father became a Seventh Day Adventist Minister so they moved many times and my mother used to pay for myself and my son Neb to go and visit which I disliked doing, but I did it for my mother.
So I arranged for Neb to be looked after by his father and being the school holidays it wouldn't affect his schooling. We planned to stay in South Africa for six weeks so I was quite excited about seeing a new country and always had an affinity with Africa. I madly packed and asked Buddy questions about what to wear and the culture so I had an idea of what to expect. We were travelling around Christmas time and were to arrive in Cape Town 2 days before Christmas.
We had to travel to Canberra for myself to get my passport and visa and then we went on to Sydney where we stayed with friends for a couple of nights and then boarded the airplane to Hong Kong.
I was tired before I had even got to Sydney and this is when I started to notice my ailments like muscle pain and fatigue and was the beginning of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia.
Anyway we landed in Hong Kong in the middle of the night and booked into our hotel and we decided to go out and look at the streets at night. It was hectic, people everywhere and even thought I had a bum bag on it got cut off me but luckily Buddy saw it and managed to get it back as the guy threw it after cutting it off me. I then kept my money down my chest.
The markets were nice and many things I had not seen before was very interesting and exciting. I enjoyed the lights of the city as we landed in the evening and the boats on the ocean. It was a wonderful scene for me. I saw the poverty side with sky scrappers very old with small apartments with clothes hanging outside up so high. Small children with their heads outside the windows. So I saw the rich side and the poverty side. We stayed 2 nights in our small very run down hotel but it was so we could get our transit onto Cape Town. When it came for time to leave to fly to Tia Pai airport we landed in Tia Pai and were kept in a room for hours with guards with guns watching over us. At the time we didn't know what was happening except to be told our flight to South Africa was delayed. I found out latter it was around the time of the Lochobie plane being bombed. So all aircraft's were being checked over. It was very scary and put all our connections out of order to arrive in Cape Town. We could not do anything but waited around twelve hours and finally were allowed to board South African airlines to Johannesburg. We arrived in Johannesburg and thought we had to wait another ten hours for a connection to Cape Town but we managed to get a direct flight to Cape Town but we had to sit in separate seats. By this time I was was very tired and stressed and now was concerned about meeting Buddy's family. I managed to get a little sleep but arrived in Cape Town with a bad migraine. I took my tablets and struggled to get through the day until I could get a good nights sleep.
I met his mother and sister and husband and their children who all lived together in a small two story house. It had 3 bedrooms and we had to sleep in the same room as his mother. This was very stressful for me. In Africa when someone arrives from over seas it is like the whole street and all the family pop into visit so it was so hectic with people wanting to meet this white woman from Australia. They just kept coming and going all day and into the evening. Buddy was in his element as he hadn't been back to his home land for over twenty years so he was so excited seeing all these people he hadn't seen for years. I was totally exhausted and could hardly stand at times. I just craved for some alone time to digest it all and to learn the culture so I could understand it better. We were taken out by various people and I got to see most of Cape Town. It is a beautiful City and I loved the scenery and the culture. This went on for over two weeks and we had a magnificent Christmas and I enjoyed it all.
I just kept fighting the pain and fatigue I had.
My Birthday was on the 4th of January and Buddy took me out for dinner and we had a lovely day together. The next day we went to the races and also had a great day. We went up and down the coasts and saw the seasides. It was wonderful. Then one day two friends took us for a ride around the bottom of Table Mountain and the coast. This is when the past life regression I had years back came to a realization. I will continue this in my next chapter.
So I arranged for Neb to be looked after by his father and being the school holidays it wouldn't affect his schooling. We planned to stay in South Africa for six weeks so I was quite excited about seeing a new country and always had an affinity with Africa. I madly packed and asked Buddy questions about what to wear and the culture so I had an idea of what to expect. We were travelling around Christmas time and were to arrive in Cape Town 2 days before Christmas.
We had to travel to Canberra for myself to get my passport and visa and then we went on to Sydney where we stayed with friends for a couple of nights and then boarded the airplane to Hong Kong.
I was tired before I had even got to Sydney and this is when I started to notice my ailments like muscle pain and fatigue and was the beginning of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia.
Anyway we landed in Hong Kong in the middle of the night and booked into our hotel and we decided to go out and look at the streets at night. It was hectic, people everywhere and even thought I had a bum bag on it got cut off me but luckily Buddy saw it and managed to get it back as the guy threw it after cutting it off me. I then kept my money down my chest.
The markets were nice and many things I had not seen before was very interesting and exciting. I enjoyed the lights of the city as we landed in the evening and the boats on the ocean. It was a wonderful scene for me. I saw the poverty side with sky scrappers very old with small apartments with clothes hanging outside up so high. Small children with their heads outside the windows. So I saw the rich side and the poverty side. We stayed 2 nights in our small very run down hotel but it was so we could get our transit onto Cape Town. When it came for time to leave to fly to Tia Pai airport we landed in Tia Pai and were kept in a room for hours with guards with guns watching over us. At the time we didn't know what was happening except to be told our flight to South Africa was delayed. I found out latter it was around the time of the Lochobie plane being bombed. So all aircraft's were being checked over. It was very scary and put all our connections out of order to arrive in Cape Town. We could not do anything but waited around twelve hours and finally were allowed to board South African airlines to Johannesburg. We arrived in Johannesburg and thought we had to wait another ten hours for a connection to Cape Town but we managed to get a direct flight to Cape Town but we had to sit in separate seats. By this time I was was very tired and stressed and now was concerned about meeting Buddy's family. I managed to get a little sleep but arrived in Cape Town with a bad migraine. I took my tablets and struggled to get through the day until I could get a good nights sleep.
I met his mother and sister and husband and their children who all lived together in a small two story house. It had 3 bedrooms and we had to sleep in the same room as his mother. This was very stressful for me. In Africa when someone arrives from over seas it is like the whole street and all the family pop into visit so it was so hectic with people wanting to meet this white woman from Australia. They just kept coming and going all day and into the evening. Buddy was in his element as he hadn't been back to his home land for over twenty years so he was so excited seeing all these people he hadn't seen for years. I was totally exhausted and could hardly stand at times. I just craved for some alone time to digest it all and to learn the culture so I could understand it better. We were taken out by various people and I got to see most of Cape Town. It is a beautiful City and I loved the scenery and the culture. This went on for over two weeks and we had a magnificent Christmas and I enjoyed it all.
I just kept fighting the pain and fatigue I had.
My Birthday was on the 4th of January and Buddy took me out for dinner and we had a lovely day together. The next day we went to the races and also had a great day. We went up and down the coasts and saw the seasides. It was wonderful. Then one day two friends took us for a ride around the bottom of Table Mountain and the coast. This is when the past life regression I had years back came to a realization. I will continue this in my next chapter.
Friday, 19 September 2014
PAST LIFE REGRESSION
One day my Doctor asked if I would like to be regressed?
He explained it to me how it was done and I agreed.
He took me into a type of meditation and I began to regress to where I was a very small black child with tight curly hair around a year old and I was sitting in a type of terrain I had never seen before on side of a large mountain.
Not in New Zealand or in Australia. It was a type of rock formation and spikes of yellowish green growth. I could see it plainly.
It was really unreal and I still didn't know really what it meant except to know why I liked African curly hair as it felt familiar to me and very comforting.
This happened around 1983 or so. I will be telling of my trip to South Africa latter as I go on through this blog and how the pieces of this regression was put together to make sense to me.
In the mean time I just kept on doing my massage practice and being a mother to my son and taking him out to various places you take children. My son showed signs of having a gift also but he didn't want to talk about it.
He was addicted to Dr Who and Star Trek and still is today and has a massive collection of all sorts of memorabilia. I just could not understand the Science Fiction type shows so my son and myself had different tastes in TV shows we liked so it was hard to find something we enjoyed together. I did try to find an medium place in all of this but it was hard. So he would watch TV in his room and myself in mine. Looking back I now know that was wrong of me to have let that happen. I now know my son has Aspergers or that type of syndrome as he never showed affection and didn't like to be touched and it was so hard as a mother to have a child who just wouldn't bond with you. It would hurt me when other children would run up to their parents and give them a hug and Neb just never did this. If he did you could tell he didn't like it. I had so much love to give but it was never returned. The story of my life.
P.S. As this is a blog which I hope one day will become a book I apologize if I repeat myself in this blog.
He explained it to me how it was done and I agreed.
He took me into a type of meditation and I began to regress to where I was a very small black child with tight curly hair around a year old and I was sitting in a type of terrain I had never seen before on side of a large mountain.
Not in New Zealand or in Australia. It was a type of rock formation and spikes of yellowish green growth. I could see it plainly.
It was really unreal and I still didn't know really what it meant except to know why I liked African curly hair as it felt familiar to me and very comforting.
This happened around 1983 or so. I will be telling of my trip to South Africa latter as I go on through this blog and how the pieces of this regression was put together to make sense to me.
In the mean time I just kept on doing my massage practice and being a mother to my son and taking him out to various places you take children. My son showed signs of having a gift also but he didn't want to talk about it.
He was addicted to Dr Who and Star Trek and still is today and has a massive collection of all sorts of memorabilia. I just could not understand the Science Fiction type shows so my son and myself had different tastes in TV shows we liked so it was hard to find something we enjoyed together. I did try to find an medium place in all of this but it was hard. So he would watch TV in his room and myself in mine. Looking back I now know that was wrong of me to have let that happen. I now know my son has Aspergers or that type of syndrome as he never showed affection and didn't like to be touched and it was so hard as a mother to have a child who just wouldn't bond with you. It would hurt me when other children would run up to their parents and give them a hug and Neb just never did this. If he did you could tell he didn't like it. I had so much love to give but it was never returned. The story of my life.
P.S. As this is a blog which I hope one day will become a book I apologize if I repeat myself in this blog.
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