Being a mother was the best thing I have ever done even though the consequences down the track would not appear so? I adored my son and his cheeky happy smile was always there. I went out with Josie and we joined a children's group with other mothers with children.
I began to notice at around twelve months old Neb's mile stones were behind other children. Being a first time mother and having no family I had no way of judging what was and what wasn't a milestone. I just had to go by my mothers intuition. Neb walked at fourteen months old and he was not interested in playing with ordinary toys he had. He used to play with an old wig of mine or a branch and leaves from a tree which he loved much more than toys. Because I felt so used and like a slave with Lewis I left on one occasion and had a six month break and lived in a small flat in Gawler. When I came back Neb was around two. Now Lewis was interested in his son as up until now he didn't do too much with him. So I agreed to come back to the house with Lewis and in 1976 we got married. It was a very small wedding in the garden at our house with Lewis's brother and family and a few friends I had made over the past two years. The service was done by the minister at the Gawler Uniting Church as being divorced it was not easy in those days to get married in a church. My step uncle who raped me had the rudeness to write to me to tell me he was happy I had married the father of my child. I ripped the letter up. He was part of my life that made me a very vulnerable mixed up woman and my life has never been the same since childhood abuse and rape. I was very protective of Neb due to that.
After we got married the relationship between Lewis and myself just got worse and worse. I kept asking could I learn to drive so I wasn't so house bound and a long walk from Willaston into Gawler. I was told by Lewis if I ever got my drivers licence I could drive the car any time. I was very upset about that attitude. To keep me at home behind the kitchen sink. So I decided to get another scooter so I could at least get out and have some me time. I went to the motor registration office to renew my scooter licence. When I got there I was told I never had a scooter licence but had a car licence so quick thinking I said oh yes and walked out with my full car licence. I got home and said to Lewis if I have my licence can I drive the car. He said yes laughing at me. I produced my car licence and his face dropped so I got into the car and drove it down the street. I took it slowly at first just driving around Gawler and Willaston until my confidence was good and eventuated into driving to Elizabeth and then to Adelaide. Then after a couple of months I felt confident enough to take Neb with me and we then had some nice outings. It gave my depression a kick to be independent and able to get out. Not being a prisoner in my own home.
So that is how I got my car licence and the reason why I cant park very well so avoid doing that when I can. Then my in laws arrived from England to stay and yes it was at our place they stayed. They lived in a large caravan and used the facilities which made bathing etc. very crowded and not allot of privacy.
Sadly Neb's grandfather died of a massive heart attack and died on our bed. It was a horrible experience as I tried to do CPR while the ambulance was on its way. After he died it was decided my mother in law would come into the house and Edward would sleep in the caravan. Edward was a very high As student so was at University studying Dentistry and he became a very good Dentist Doctor and still is today. My mother in law never went out and just stayed home but she took over doing all the chores I had been doing. So from one extreme to another, I suddenly became the one in the background while Mum in law did all the cooking and cleaning etc. This made me feel so useless.
So I went to Tafe to do some study to get me out of the house. After a couple of years of trying to get on with my mother in law and it not working, Lewis and his mother and son Edward up and left me in the big house and they rented a flat in Gawler. They say blood is thicker than water?
I got pregnant again a few months prior to this and lost the baby at around twelve weeks. I had lifted a bucket of wet nappies from the bath as I had no laundry sink and I felt a pull in my stomach and the next day I lost my baby. Lewis didn't care and was happy I had lost the baby, yet I was devastated and in those days you just got on with it without any grieving. I now grieve the loss of my baby and wish I had had another child. It was very hard on me and made my depression worse.
So after the separation we went through the process of my second divorce.
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