I boarded the train in Adelaide to make my way to Townsville to stay with my cousin John and his wife. Little did I realize it was the year of the big floods in Queensland 1974. So instead of four days of train travel it was around six days and I felt very unwell all the way. It was a relief to finally arrive in Townsville and to meet my cousin and to have the first nights sleep in a bed, as I had sat up all the way on the train. It was so great to see John and Robyn and Kathleen who was around five and was a wonderful little girl. Little did I know this was the last time I would see them?
We did some day trips around the Townsville area and I enjoyed that but the very hot humid weather did not agree with me and I just kept feeling unwell. Suddenly one day I fainted and was taken to hospital where I found out I was pregnant. This was a big shock and unplanned and yet it explained the morning sickness I had had on the train ride up. As I was unlikely to have a baby full term it was decided I ought to be flown home and ended up in the Gawler hospital. Lewis was not happy about me being pregnant and accused me of having an affair with my own cousin. How sick is that?? I however managed to carry the baby and in that time I met my first real friends Josie and Diane who both lived near by and were also pregnant. So we used to compare notes on our pregnancies and I felt I had some support and understanding. All Lewis could do was to call himself the fifty bob stud and made fun of my pregnancy. This was very hard to take but I had no option but to stay where I was and put up with the insults. I was excited inside myself as I had always wanted to have a child of my own and as I was now twenty eight it was a good time to have a child. For the sake of my child Neb I also changed my name by deed poll so he would have the same surname. This was a request of myself. I now had my fourth surname. My birth name, step fathers name, married name and now a deed poll name. I have always said I never knew if I was Pam or jam as I have had nine surnames and the name I have now is my last.
Neb was due early October but he decided to come a month earlier. I was laying in bed when my water broke and Lewis was in the lounge room with his brother so I came out and Lewis rushed me to the hospital dropped me off and went straight home. No staying with me or being there for the birth he just went straight home. I was alone and scared and as I had contractions and cried as I went alone through the birth of around six hours. The Doctor came in and told me to stop pushing as the cord was around Neb's neck. It was a tense time. In those days things were not as they are today. I remember the big green colored birthing room at the Gawler hospital and felt all alone in the world. When Neb was born as he was a premature baby,( even though he was six pound ten ounces, quite big for a premature baby) he was taken away from me and it was over twenty four hours before I saw him again. I began to have really bad cold shivers and I had many hot towels put all over me as my system went into a type of a shock. I was in tears as didn't know if my baby was dead or alive and no one seemed to explain anything to me. Where was the father of this child to help me through all this. Well he rocked up the next day when Neb was over twenty four hours old and gave me a banana and said this is a banana for your monkey. He said he had seen Neb and how ugly he was. I felt hurt and just could not understand his reactions. Others in the ward were getting flowers and visitors and I got no one. Lewis didn't even think to let my two friends know so they could visit me. I had stitches and it was hard to walk without them hurting. One of the nurses yelled at me to walk properly that they couldn't hurt that bad. Funny enough about five years latter she became a friend and when she had her first child she had stitches and walked the same. I had to remind her and we had a laugh.
After about a week I was allowed home to a big old house with two men who just sat around and gave me no help. Edward was fifteen at this stage and he did like to hold his baby brother every now and then. I had no family support and could only rely on what the baby nurse would tell me how and what to do at each stage of Nebs development. Josie had her baby about a month after I did and when she was ready we used to go to Elizabeth once a week to do our shopping and have a day out. As I did not drive at this stage I enjoyed these days once a week as it got me away from the boredom of being at home with a baby alone and also still cooking and cleaning for two grown men. I used to cry as I was so exhausted as I washed the dishes every night and knowing I was in for a night feed anytime soon and through the night. Lewis and Edward did nothing to help me. I was so sleep deprived I felt like I was drunk all the time. Neb was a good baby and slept well and was very placid. He did however have a re-flux problem and Lewis and his brother and family used to not like holding him in case he was sick. That whole family was pathetic. My hormones must of been in a bad shape and I didn't realize I was suffering from Post natal depression because in those days this was not an illness that was known about. I knew something was wrong and I was depressed but had no one to talk to about it and my Dr just put me on antidepressants which made me so tired I gave them away and didn't take anything.
No comments:
Post a Comment