FROM 1969

It was 1969 when I arrived in Adelaide, while my first husband Tony was on the run from the police for fraud and was in Port Lincoln jail doing six months time.

As I have explained in previous chapter I was being the good wife and trying to set up a home for us for when he got out around the middle of that year.

I got the job in the pharmaceutical Company and soon worked my way up to being in charge of Max Factor cosmetics which I loved doing.
I was still alone with no family and no friends. I would go to work and come home and go to bed as I always felt unwell. This stress and also as I found out many years latter the beginning of Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia. As I would have bursts of great energy and then  be exhausted. Leaving me so confused about what my body was doing to my self esteem and physical body.

Under pressure I seemed to manage well as I was virtually living to survive for my own life as I had no one else to turn to, except my husband who was in jail and his letters would keep me going with his unedifying love. Like most men in prison write to keep you hooked to them so they had someone to come to when they got out of prison. I worked hard and can remember in July 1969 watching the moon landing standing outside a shop window on my way home from work. It was the high light in this phase of my life.
      Around the September Tony came out of jail. I had rented a small cottage and had it set up with furniture, with help from prisoners aid and it was all ready for what I thought was going to be a new start. I changed jobs and began working at the Phillips electrical factory not far down the road. I found my motor skills very challenging trying to wire small items with a solder gun. But I did my best. I would come home from work finding Tony just lazing around doing nothing. No meal ready so yes I would then cook a meal. he kept saying he would get a job but then did not seem to even go and look.
Then one day a young woman around my aged of  23 came and declared she was pregnant with Tony s child. So that was it after a big argument he packed up and left and I never saw him again. I felt sorry for this woman and I helped her through her pregnancy and then she went back to England with her little baby boy.
So here I was again betrayed and left on my own. I was lonely and so I contacted a singles group I saw in the Advertiser paper and went along to a few of the social functions.  I met and went out with a few very strange men. One of the men was a man called Allan who was a airport air controller. One day he asked me if Id like a fly in a small plane. I said yes to my regret I wished I hadn't said yes. We went to Parafield Airport north of Adelaide and to my surprise I saw this tiny two seater plane with perspects instead of glass cock pit. I was terrified and as we took off and got air bound I began to panic and kept saying ,"take me back, take me back". It was horrible for me and I also felt embarrassed he had to curtail the trip over Adelaide as was planned. We got back down and I remember having a stiff drink to calm myself down. Alan thought it was funny and laughed at me which just made me feel even more stupid. I saw Alan a few more times but when something freaked me out it was over by my choice.
One day we went out to dinner and came back to his home and in the middle of an sexual encounter I ended up looking at a bald man with a hairpiece in my hand. He looked so different and I just remember  feeling weird and leaving my body and in a panic. That was the end of that relationship.

   Out of body experience of being numb and leaving your body in times you feel threatened and scared is a common response for those who have been sexually abused. It is a way of coping that's why during my life I didn't always feel fear and just went through events like they were normal. Childhood sexual abuse makes women act or react in different ways. Mine was to be having many relationships with bad men as I was always looking for love I thought I would get from my biological father. In my heart and mind I was always searching for him. My mother would not tell me anything about him except to say he was a bad man. This I would not believe.